To overwhelmed parents: You are not alone

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Jordan DeMerchant is community mental health ambassador for the MOMS Partnership in Bangor.
If you are a parent who feels stressed and overwhelmed right now, you are not alone. 
Parenting has always been difficult. But the pandemic, social media and growing isolation have made parenting today much more challenging. Nearly half of all parents in the United States recently reported that their stress felt completely overwhelming most days. That kind of persistent stress can take a toll not only on their well-being, but on their children’s as well.
In fact, parental stress has now become a public health issue. U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy recently issued an advisory on the mental health and well-being of parents, calling for a “fundamental shift” in culture, policies and programs to ensure all parents and caregivers can thrive. 
As a mother to two young girls, I am grateful to Murthy for sounding the alarm. I hope that we listen. Too many parents struggle in silence, with increasing numbers dealing with mental health conditions like anxiety and depression. Single caregivers, mothers of color and parents with low incomes are far more likely to deal with these issues while facing the biggest barriers to receiving help. 
To counter this growing problem, parents need more ways to find support. Over the last year, I’ve been involved with launching an initiative in Bangor that presents a good model for doing so — the Mental Health Outreach for MotherS (MOMS) Partnership. 
Developed at the Yale School of Medicine, this program is designed for mothers and women raising children who face economic hardship and have symptoms of depression. The free program removes common barriers to getting support. It’s delivered in an easily accessible location, provides assistance for needs like child care and offers a judgment-free space. Tested across the country, the MOMS Partnership has consistently demonstrated positive results for women and their families. 
At the core of the program is a series of group classes. Over eight weeks, participants learn practical skills for reducing stress, improving mood and managing negative thoughts. The classes are co-led by a mental health professional and a community mental health ambassador, who is a fellow mother from the community. 
With support from the John T. Gorman Foundation and Maine Department of Health and Human Services, Bangor Housing started implementing the MOMS Partnership for Bangor residents earlier this year. I am privileged to be its community mental health ambassador. Along with my counterpart at Community Health & Counseling Services, I love helping fellow moms become more resilient to the stresses of parenting. 
I’ve also learned a lot myself. Using skills from the classes has helped me become more patient and less reactive, as well as a better communicator with my kids. 
But I think the biggest benefit for participants is the chance to find support from others with similar experiences. In class, we talk through our ups and downs. When a mom says that a new strategy helped in a difficult situation, we celebrate with her. But if things didn’t go well, we don’t judge — we offer ideas for what she might try next time. 
At the end of the day, we’re all trying to be the best moms we can be for our kids. I know these women will continue to lean on these relationships long after the classes end.
When I had postpartum depression after my first pregnancy, one of the worst things I experienced was a sense of isolation. I was 22 and afraid to talk to anyone about what I was feeling. Now, I want other parents to know that they are not alone. It’s OK to ask for help, whether that means seeing a mental health professional or talking to a close friend. 
These are the kinds of connections we are making in Bangor, but there is more to be done. We need better systems of parent support within our communities. The MOMS Partnership is a good place to start.